Category Archives: Funny Shit

The Cairo Curmudgeon

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It snowed last night…
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 – A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15 – So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 – My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 – The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 – The transgender man..women…person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 – The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 – I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 – The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
8:40 – The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 – The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 – The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 – TV news crew from CBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied “Snowballs” and am now called a sexist.
9:00 – I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 – I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 – Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
By noon it all melted
Moral:
There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.

MEN organizing ‘BBQ op WhatsApp: *

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*Subject: BBQ*
* Man 1: * Hey guys, when are we going to have a bbq?
* Man 2: * Thursday at 8 pm at the “Man 9” house
* Man 1: * Okay, what do we take?
* Man 9: * I buy the meat and drinks, then we split.
* Man 5: * Ok
* Man 1: * Ok
* Man 3: * Ok
* Man 2: * Ok
* Man 4: * Ok
* Man 6: * Ok
* Man 7: * Ok
* Man 8: * Ok
* Man 10: * Ok
* Man 11: * Ok
* Man 12: * Ok
* Man 13: * Ok
* Man 14: * Ok
* Man 15: * Ok
*END OF CONVERSATION*
* …………………………….. *
🙋🏼 * WOMEN organizing bbq op WhatsApp: *
*Subject: BBQ
* Woman 1: * Hi guys, when are we going to meet and have a bbq?
* Woman 2: * Thursday at 8 pm?
* Woman 3: * Where?
* Woman 2: * I don’t know
* Woman 4: * Where girls?
* Woman 4: * If you want you can come to Mom’s house
* Woman 2: * Wouldn’t it be better to go to a restaurant?
* Woman 5: * No, in a house it’s better, so we don’t spend so much and we have more time
* Woman 2: * Ok by me
* Woman 3: * Ok
* Woman 5: * Ok
* Woman 4: * Ok
* Woman 6: * Okay what? Restaurant or home?
* Woman 2: * House
* Woman 7: * Restaurant
* Woman 2: * Let’s go to Woman 4’s house then
* Woman 3: * Okay, what do we take?
* Woman 8: * Does anyone know how to bbq?
* Woman 2: * I’m excited 👏🏻👏🏻
* Woman 6: * What will we buy?
* Woman 2: * Let’s make a list
* Woman 8: * Ok
* Woman 4: * A little meat and salad, what do you think?
* Woman 5: * Well I’m on a diet so I’m going to eat only lettuce and tomatoes
* Woman 2: * Okay, then?
* Woman 1: * I’ll make a list and each one says what they can bring
* Woman 2: * Greek salad
* Woman 3: * Quinoa
* Woman 4: * Sausage and potatoes
* Woman 5: * Lettuce, tomato and some vegetables for another salad
* Woman 1: * Okay, how much?
* Woman 6: * I don’t know
* Woman 2: * 5 sausages?
* Woman 2: * Who eats sausage?
* Woman 2: * I don’t
* Woman 5: * I don’t
* Woman 7: * I don’t
* Woman 3: * I don’t
* Woman 4: * I don’t
* Woman 8: * I don’t
* Woman 1: * Okay, I won’t buy sausage then
* Woman 2: * But you, Woman 4, why did you say you were going to buy sausage if you don’t eat it?
* Woman 4: * Because I had put myself in the shoes of someone who eats sausage
* Woman 1: * Ok, no sausage then
* Woman 1: * Sosaties and steak, 1 kilo and 1 kilo, okay?
* Woman 7: * It seems little
* Woman 1: * How much then?
* Woman 2: * I don’t know
* Woman 2: * Girls? What do you think?
* Woman 8: * I think it’s half a kilo per person
* Woman 4: * How many are we?
* Woman 1: * I don’t know. Girls, confirm who’s going
* Woman 2: * I will
* Woman 3: * I will
* Woman 5: * I will
* Woman 6: * I will
* Woman 7: * I will
* Woman 8: * I will
* Woman 9: * I will
* Woman 10: * I will
* Woman 11: * I will
* Woman 4: * When is it?
* Woman 2: * Thursday?
* Woman 4: * I can’t, I have a doctor’s appt
* Woman 2: * What bad luck, we dpn’t have a venue for the braai then?
* Woman 4: * Sorry girls, the reminder for this appointment just rang
* Woman 1: * What other house is available?
* Woman 8: * How many are we?
* Woman 2: * 10
* Woman 3: * It doesn’t fit in my house
* Woman 5: * Not mine either
* Woman 6: * Not mine either
* Woman 7: * Much less in mine
* Woman 8: * Not mine either
* Woman 9: * Not mine either
* Woman 10: * In mine it may… but I need chairs, can someone bring?
* Woman 2: * Woman 11 has a chair rental shop, she can take
* Woman 5: * But she doesn’t answer, she must be working
* Woman 9: * I don’t eat sausage
* Woman 2: * We still need to find a venue
* Woman 12: * Sorry girls, I just got on the phone, what happened?
* Woman 2: * We are still looking for a venue
* Woman 12: * Come to my house, no stress
* Woman 2: * Ok, excellent
* Woman 12: * Wait … what day?
* Woman 2: * Thursday at 8 pm
* Woman 12: * Huummmmm that complicates things … can it be on Wednesday?
* Woman 2: * Fine by me
* Woman 2: * Same time?
* Woman 2: * Yes?
* Woman 3: * I will
* Woman 4: * I will
* Woman 5: * I have to take Gabi to her grandmother’s house, but I can go later after she falls asleep
* Woman 8: * Okay.
* Woman 9: * I will
* Woman 6: * I will
* Woman 7: * I will
* Woman 11: * I will
* Woman 2: * Done, Wednesday at the home of Woman 12.
* Woman 3: * Yes
* Woman 1: * Girls, coming back to the braai.. do I buy half a kilo per person?
* Woman 8: * Yes
* Woman 1: * Ok, so I’ll ask Pieter to buy
* Woman 2: * Ok… and what will we do about drinks?
* Woman 3: * Each one takes whatever they drink and that’s it
* Woman 9: * I can’t because I go straight from work
* Woman 6: * Well, Woman 1 better buy everything and split up later
* Woman 1: * Girls, I can’t buy everything, does anyone give me a hand?
* Woman 6: * I’ll help, what do you drink girls?
* Woman 2: * Coke Zero
* Woman 4: * Water
* Woman 5: * Natural juice
* Woman 6: * Sparkling water
* Woman 9: * Aloe water
* Woman 3: * Girls, can we buy Peach Iced tea?
* Woman 8: * Let’s go to a restaurant girls,that’s less effort
* Woman 2: * I think so too
* Woman 4: * Me too
* Woman 6: * Me too
* Woman 7: * Me too
* Woman 9: * Me too
* Woman 11: * Me too
* Woman 12: * Me too
* Woman 1: * Ahhh no girls, I already sent Pieter to buy everything, we have to bbq
* Woman 2: * Uhh crap…
* Woman 4: * I want water, but it has to be Bonaqua that has less sodium, so I don’t get bloated
* Woman 1: * Girls, can we organize please ?????
* Woman 2: * Ok
* Woman 6: * Ok
* Woman 4: * Ok
* Woman 9: * Ok
* Woman 5: * Ok
* Woman 8: * Ok
* Woman 11: * I don’t eat sausage either
* Woman 5: * (sending a chain) Girls… please share… The dog is called BOB… he got lost yesterday near the station, if everyone works together we can find him and get him bacl to his owners… They must be worried sick 😭
* Woman 6: * Yes, poor BOB
* Woman 9: * BOB is beautiful!! What breed is he?
* Woman 5: * I don’t know … got this on my yoga group
* Woman 2: * But do you know the owners?
* Woman 5: * No, but I felt sorry for BOB
* Woman 1: * Pieter called me from the butcher shop saying they don’t have steak, what else should we get?
* Woman 2: * I prefer chorizo ​​steak
* Woman 4: * Me too
* Woman 1: * Girls, we can decide right away because Pieter is going to kill me, he’s at the butcher shop waiting for us to decide
* Woman 6: * I think it is unfair to always be like this, we are always the same ones that organize everything and nobody else is moved to do anything
* Woman 10: * Hi girls, I just woke up and I have 369 messages in our group, what happened?
* Woman 3: * I’ll tell you …