The following stories may be short, but they tell a tale about the times when we are living. They are stories that don’t necessarily build our faith in humanity but rather, they tear it down.

I’m sure that you will get a laugh from the following stories. It’s not only because they are ridiculous, it’s because they just might be true and more than likely, you’ve seen it for yourself.

My husband and I went through the McDonald’s driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.

She said, ‘You gave me too much money.’

I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.’

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said ‘We’re sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.’

The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the people at MacD’s.

—–

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, ‘You need a 1/4 horsepower.’

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, ‘NOOO, it’s not. Four is larger than two.’

We haven’t used that repairman since…

—–

I live in a semi-rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’

—–

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.

My daughter went to a Mexican fast-food place and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

—–

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,

‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’

To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’

He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’

—–

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it’s safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an ‘intellectually challenged’ co-worker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’

She is a government employee…..

—–

When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘it’s open!’

His reply was, ‘I know. I already did that side.’

GOLD ABSOLUTE GOLD

Serena Campbell
April 25 at 9:36pm ·
THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN.
I ACTUALLY HAD TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE WHILE READING IT!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOO FUNNY!!!:
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of
this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the
more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus’s birthday as a bit if a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters
writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types…Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.
I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise
I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn’t have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling
I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
Religion hadn’t featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion
to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in
blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall
into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the
hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid off
and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery
stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and
I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a
bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.
I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.
This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it
felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the
kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come
and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell
end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her
and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which
resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout
fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and
having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…
so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect ~ Cerys

Here’s a hilarious thread of 28 everyday things that have now been labeled racist

Article Image

This dude Greg who is apparently a gay combat veteran compiled this exquisite thread of everyday things that have now comically been labeled rrraaaccciiiisssssst by the Woke Mafia.

Per usual, instead of embedding a zillion tweets and hurting your wifi’s feelings, I have provided screen shots. If you wanna view it on Twitter, the thread starts here.

Now just grab some popcorn and get ready to learn all about how incredibly racist you are! Enjoy:

Now you know how irreparably racist you are. You are so freaking racist!!

I’ll go ahead and leave this here for you … please print it out, pin it to your shirt, and wear it everywhere: